mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
