a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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