I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
