So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
