I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
