I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
