Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
