oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
