I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
