I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
