I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
