you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
bring money and cleavage
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
