He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
