Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
