Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
