I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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