Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
