so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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