just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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