i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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