Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will pee on everything he values.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
