Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
