on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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