I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
