Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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