I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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