my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
