Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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