You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
