If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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