Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
