I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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