Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
