Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
