Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
