You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
