well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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