ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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