is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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