Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
