I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
