Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
