I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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