If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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