He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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