FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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