and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
