Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
