apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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