I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
