Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
