I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
