If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
