do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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