I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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