Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
