I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Randomize
