i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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