That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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