when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
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i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize