How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
