I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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