Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
