I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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