I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The beer is more important than you right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
