i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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