You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
